7th
Whose Line? Quotes
Here are some of the best Whose Line? quotes:
[Film Noir - Hardware Store]
Colin Mochrie: I need a hammer.
Ryan Stiles: I knew he needed a hammer. He also needed a couple of nails and a good screw.
Drew Carey: Welcome to “Whose Line Is It Anyway” the show where everything’s made up and the points don’t matter. That’s right, the points are just like the plot line of a porno film. They just don’t matter.
Drew Carey: Things to say that will always start a fight.
Ryan Stiles: You guys wanna fight?
[Hollywood Director]
Colin Mochrie: You notice why the floor’s clean? It’s because you all suck
Colin Mochrie: [Weird Newscasters] Today, well-known mob hitman Johnny Two-Shoes admitted that he was once hired to kill a cow in a rice field using only two small porcelain figurines. Police reports indicate that this is the only known incident of a Knick-Knack Paddy Whack.
Brad Sherwood: [during Song Styles; serenading a lightbulb salesgirl in the form of a Jewish wedding] You are so effervescent, Your lightbulb is fluorescent, And I am out of rhymes!
Drew Carey: [Chip just jumped on Ryan’s back] How’s your back, really?
Ryan Stiles: Fine.
Drew Carey:Yeah, cause I saw you going
[Mouths words as though he’s in pain]
Ryan Stiles: No actually I was saying “Get the fuck off! Get the fuck off!’ I don’t know if we can air that but that’s what I said
Drew Carey: [Scenes from a hat] Worlds worst choice for an interpretive dance.
Ryan Stiles: [Makes wave movements with arms] Diarrhea, flows like a river.
Robin Williams: Impotance can be a horrifying thing!
Drew Carey: Let me tell you about Wayne, Colin, and Ryan’s… and Brad’s newest movie, they all have a movie coming out, it’s a combination of Coyote Ugly, Scary Movie, and X-Men. It’s called ‘It’s Scary How Ugly Those Men Are’.
Colin Mochrie: You know, for as long as I can remember, I’ve had memories
Brad Sherwood: [as a drill sergeant, to Wayne, Ryan and Colin] I just wanna stand here and stare at my privates!
Drew Carey: [playing scenes from a hat] What Robin Williams is really thinking.
Robin Williams: I have a career, what the hell am I doing here?
Drew Carey: [Scenes From A Hat] Inappropriate anecdotes told on a celebrity talk show.
Wayne Brady: [laughter] … no, so I left the body in the trunk, and everyone is like, “Ooh, what’s that smell”?
[buzz]
Colin Mochrie: …so, things are tough, I’m a big ho. And…
[buzz]
Robin Williams: …so I said: “Get off me grandma, I’m done”!
[buzz]
Wayne Brady: …so, I’m looking through the window, and there’s Robin and his grandma, and I’m like…
[buzz]
Ryan Stiles: …anyway, long story short,
[pointing at his wedding ring]
Ryan Stiles: this is the stone I passed
[Party Quirks - Chip is the host, Colin is an overly dramatic detective finding ridiculous clues to a murder, and Ryan is a bird trapped in the studio]
Colin Mochrie: [approaching Chip, pantomiming holding an object] A featherduster.
Chip Esten: Yes, I was dusting earlier…
Colin Mochrie: A featherduster made by a Norwegian. It’s all starting to make sense.
[they both turn and stare at Ryan, who is using his water glass to mimic a toy drinking bird]
Chip Esten: No, it’s not.
Drew Carey: World’s Least Popular Monuments
Brad Sherwood: Over here folks, you’ll see the Statue of Puberty.
[buzz]
Brad Sherwood: Over here is the Viagra Falls!
Drew Carey: I said LEAST popular
Brad Sherwood: Oh! Wow!
Brad Sherwood:
I had to wait for cable installation the whole day,
It really made me mad that for TV I must pay,
So when he came to the door, what did he see,
I was wearing a negligee and I got cable for free.
Colin Mochrie:
With my new cable I have a lot of choice,
Some of it makes me happy, some of it makes me moist.
Gee it’s a lot of fun, I’m happy as a mouse,
Now all day I can see “Full House”.
Wayne Brady:
Everytime it’s Halloween, whooo, make room!
Because I have the world’s best costume,
If you see me, get a sheet man,
Because I’ll pull it over my head and go as the Klu Klux Klan.
Drew Carey:
Halloween’s the only time I get a girl,
That’s the only time I really give it a whirl,
Never get anyone pregnant, “How is that?” you ask,
Well it’s real easy, I wear a rubber mask.
Colin Mochrie:
This Halloween, I thought it would be fair,
If I gave all the kids one real big scare,
It went way too far and now I’m being sued,
This is the last year that I go as a nude.
Ryan Stiles:
I have the most horrifying costume you’ve ever seen,
When the children see me, they run away and scream,
When it comes to costume, there is none more scary,
I put on stupid glasses and go out as Drew Carey.
All: Go out as Drew Carey!
Wayne Brady:
Here’s a little fact that I think you oughta know,
I got out of jail about two months ago,
I’m stuck in my house, all alone,
Because of this bracelet I can never leave my ho… ow!
(bracelet starts shocking him)
Drew Carey:
My idea of fun is to go to Alabama,
To see all my friends who are stuck there in the slammer.
Then I find, a frog or a tadpole,
And I take ‘em into a room, and I violate parole.
Colin Mochrie:
I’ve a-got a probation officer, he’s not very tough.
He doesn’t have that many rules, my life is not that rough.
Life is pretty easy if you know what I mean,
‘Cause my probation officer is Charlie Sheen.
Ryan Stiles:
My officer wants me to go back to jail,
I thought I was scot-free, I thought that I’d made bail.
When I go back I know that I will do life,
The really bad part is that I’m everybody’s wife.
All: I’m everybody’s wife!
Ryan: You can have your alternative music, give me the Beach Boys any day!
Colin: Well, remember the restraining order.
Ryan: (looks embarrassed)
Colin: You know I love the old rock too. I love Queen.
Ryan: Oohhhhh!
Colin: Oh I… there’s nothing better than singing in the shower with Queen.
Ryan: Oh, and she has done such a job with England.
Colin: No, no. No the uh.. the band, the band Queen.
Ryan: I know!
Colin: Anyway one of my favourite Queen songs is of course, “We Will Hose You”.
Ryan: Michael Jackson, a wonderful singer and a great head coach. Y’know, there’s a lot of songs that you won’t hear in this country, that we’ve taken from others. How much would you pay for a 5 CD set like this? Or even a 50 CD set like this?
Colin: Why, I’d pay up to fifty thousand dollars…. but, I am an idiot!
Ryan: But you’re from Canada, so with the exchange…
Colin: I’m still an idiot!
Ryan: You know, as a special bonus, if you order by midnight, what will they receive?
Colin: They will receive it earlier than if they ordered it later.
Ryan: That’s right.
Colin: We’ll be back to our nature documentary, “Baggy - the Anorexic Elephant”, in just a second.
Ryan: You know… hey Colin,
Colin: Yes Ryan?
Ryan: Question: Is this CD set safe for the kid?
Colin: Answer: yes it is! And not only that, it’s cholestorol free… alright, moving right along…
